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0917 Dear Abby

0917 Dear Abby

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DEAR ABBY: My husband is currently at a job that, at first, he complained was a “drag.” It later became a place he seemed to be OK working at.

A new male employee was hired — a man who is on his second marriage — and he became friendly with my husband. Over the last few months I have noticed my husband texting him quite often during his days off, including very late at night.

One day I confronted him after I checked his phone to see what they were texting and saw he had deleted some messages, even those he had shared with me as they were texting. He admitted that he had asked him about his first marriage and divorce since we were having some issues and said that’s why he deleted the messages.

When my husband starts drinking at home, he starts texting him, occasionally throughout the night until he goes to bed (it could be until 5 a.m.). He deletes all those messages so I can’t see them. What do you think is going on?

Even on days he is off, he goes by his job to take care of something or help out.


DEAR SUSPICIOUS: What I think is going on is less important by far than what YOU think is going on. It appears your husband has found a kindred spirit in this new employee — or something more. Dumping on his co-worker about problems in your marriage won’t lead to satisfactory conclusions.

The two of you need to resolve your issues — including the fact that you no longer trust him — by talking them through with a licensed marriage and family counselor.

Please don’t wait until the situation deteriorates further to consult one.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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